Team Banana Racing, Extreme Mountain Biking in the UK

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He is about to read to you so please remove your pants...

What follows is an extract from the 'Sacred Parchments of TBR' which were recently unearthed in David Weatheralls dad's shed.
"In the world before TBR primal chaos reigned and the heavens sought order. But the banana can only fly when its peel is ripe and yellow. The four worlds formed again, and yet again as endless aeons wheeled, and passed. Time and pure esssences of heaven, the moisture of the earth, the powers of the sun and the moon all worked on a certain shivering mountain that was as old as creation and it became magically fertile. That first mountain egg was called 'ego'.

The Father Sage Presidenté said "With our ego's we make the World".

Elemental forces caused that egg to hatch. From it came a team of mountain flyers.

The nature of TBR was irrepressible! "

"When I read from the sacred parchments of TBR I practically choke laughing. I spray bits of Weetabix over the words as uncontrollable spasms of mirth issue forth. What a complete and utter load of bollocks.
Nice story and all that, but lets get REAL, it just wasn't like that. Modern science has shown that the 'Shivering mountain' didn't even start shivering 'till the 50's and the carbon dating of father Presidenté's underpants proves he was washing his smalls well into the swinging sixties.

The true story goes like this and make no mistake:

Me my Six deciples hail from the ancient retro order of 'Mirthiest Mountain Flyers' who's history is lost in the tracts of space and time but can be generally traced back to a Sheffield pub circa 1995AD

In February 96' whilst in bed and tossing with a fever which I contracted in the Tropics whilst on a Banana picking holiday I received a revelation which told me to
TAKE ON THE WORLD!

And behold, from the depths of my sole (sic.) I pulled out a smelly sticky pink substance and from this
TEAM BANANA RACING were created.

WE ARE IN NO WAY TO BE CONFUSED WITH 'THE BANANA FEDERATION' OR 'TEAM BANANA' WHO ARE INFIDELS!!! (and a good bit fitter than us)

We christened ourselves in a fountain of Wards bitter,
designed a ritual costume, and to make ourselves into Galatic Conquorers we drank gallons of Lucozade and started eating more BANANAS.

We fly in the spirit of the omnipotent but humble Banana
because:

Bananas come in their own biogradable handy wrappers.
they fit in our cycle jersey pockets.
they are full of good things.
they are yellow and bright .
they are kind of penis shaped (and are therfore extremely hilarious)
if you say Banana enough times then you can't help smiling , which we think must be a good thing.

Since those tumultous chaotic days of our creation it has been a short history of prostitution, blood, buffoonery, death and wildebeests in pants. The early days have been well documented in the pages of HOWWLLLLLo! magazine. Original copies of which are now worth millions of lira.

But in our pursuit of World Domination we have left pissy parchment behind and now you must read all about us in our new elektronix pages............

So, please, read all about our future and Team Banana Racings Mission on Planet Mirth!"

El Presidentè has spoken. Errr, you can put your pants back on now (if you want that is).


	He is about to read to you so please remove your pants...

What follows is an extract from the 'Sacred Parchments of TBR' which were recently unearthed in David Weatheralls dad's shed. "In the world before TBR primal chaos reigned and the heavens sought order. But the banana can only fly when its peel is ripe and yellow. The four worlds formed again, and yet again as endless aeons wheeled, and passed. Time and pure esssences of heaven, the moisture of the earth, the powers of the sun and the moon all worked on a certain shivering mountain that was as old as creation and it became magically fertile. That first mountain egg was called 'ego'. The Father Sage Presidenté said "With our ego's we make the World". Elemental forces caused that egg to hatch. From it came a team of mountain flyers. The nature of TBR was irrepressible! " "When I read from the sacred parchments of TBR I practically choke laughing. I spray bits of Weetabix over the words as uncontrollable spasms of mirth issue forth. What a complete and utter load of bollocks. Nice story and all that, but lets get REAL, it just wasn't like that. Modern science has shown that the 'Shivering mountain' didn't even start shivering 'till the 50's and the carbon dating of father Presidenté's underpants proves he was washing his smalls well into the swinging sixties. The true story goes like this and make no mistake: Me my Six deciples hail from the ancient retro order of 'Mirthiest Mountain Flyers' who's history is lost in the tracts of space and time but can be generally traced back to a Sheffield pub circa 1995AD In February 96' whilst in bed and tossing with a fever which I contracted in the Tropics whilst on a Banana picking holiday I received a revelation which told me to TAKE ON THE WORLD! And behold, from the depths of my sole (sic.) I pulled out a smelly sticky pink substance and from this TEAM BANANA RACING were created. WE ARE IN NO WAY TO BE CONFUSED WITH 'THE BANANA FEDERATION' OR 'TEAM BANANA' WHO ARE INFIDELS!!! (and a good bit fitter than us) We christened ourselves in a fountain of Wards bitter, designed a ritual costume, and to make ourselves into Galatic Conquorers we drank gallons of Lucozade and started eating more BANANAS. We fly in the spirit of the omnipotent but humble Banana because: Bananas come in their own biogradable handy wrappers. they fit in our cycle jersey pockets. they are full of good things. they are yellow and bright . they are kind of penis shaped (and are therfore extremely hilarious) if you say Banana enough times then you can't help smiling , which we think must be a good thing. Since those tumultous chaotic days of our creation it has been a short history of prostitution, blood, buffoonery, death and wildebeests in pants. The early days have been well documented in the pages of HOWWLLLLLo! magazine. Original copies of which are now worth millions of lira. But in our pursuit of World Domination we have left pissy parchment behind and now you must read all about us in our new elektronix pages............ So, please, read all about our future and Team Banana Racings Mission on Planet Mirth!" El Presidentè has spoken. Errr, you can put your pants back on now (if you want that is).